Disagreening Without Being Disagreeable

Happy Easter!


We are in the season of Easter in the Church calendar. I know, WalMart has already put away their ½ Off All Easter Candy displays; the bunnies are packed away for another year and all the marshmallow eggs have long been eaten. As far as the secular world is concerned, Easter ended on the Saturday night before Easter. But our season just began. We celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ every Sunday, but especially in the weeks after Easter Sunday we focus our attention on the incredible power of God to redeem us, which is the same power that raised Christ from the dead.

One of the reasons we celebrate this power is because it reconciles us with God, and can reconcile us with each other. On April 25th, the message in worship was about how we can handle conflict within the church in healthy and constructive ways. I believe this is so important that I want to do a bit of a review.

First, we might as well get used to the idea that conflict is going to happen, even in the church. I pray that we have passionate people involved in the various ministries, and when passionate people have an idea, they get passionate about that idea. If some other passionate person doesn’t share their vision of how to accomplish their particular ministry, sparks will fly. This is not a bad thing! The problems arise when we don’t handle conflicts properly. Kind of like the sparks I just spoke of. If you handle electricity properly, it can do amazing things; but if you are “care-less” with it, you will get hurt, or you will hurt someone else.

So, how can we disagree with each other and still maintain unity in the body of Christ? First, decide that being in relationship with one another is much more important than being right. We are commanded to love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength, and to love one another. These two most important commands are pretty clear, and rank far above trying to convince everyone else that my way is the right way on any particular issue.

Second, whenever we are considering a word or action, or are offended by the words or actions of someone else, the first question we should ask about it is, “Is this a Kingdom issue?” Is it an important element in our mission to invite people to know Jesus Christ? Will it help or hurt in that effort? If it does not affect that priority of our lives, then is it really worth getting upset about it and letting it bring division to the body? Scripture is pretty clear that because we have been loved so much, and forgiven so much, that we are to overlook much in each other. What we cannot overlook, we are to forgive.

I know, love also demands that we hold each other accountable and encourage each other as we grow upward to perfection. And that brings me to the next point. Whenever we have something that bothers us about someone else, if we cannot simply overlook it, our first responsibility is to go to that person and seek reconciliation. If I have been offended by something you said or did, love demands that I go to you and let you know how I was hurt by your words or actions. If I have offended you, love demands that I go to you and ask your forgiveness for the pain I caused. Love requires that I do not go to all my friends and tell them what an awful thing you did; I must go to you, in love, and speak the truth, in love.

And finally (at least as far as my message on the 25th went), we are called to make building one another up a lifestyle. It is so easy for us to get into the habit of tearing each other down. We vocally and publicly question a person’s motives, their integrity, even their salvation (“I just don’t know how a person can call themselves a Christian and do what they did to me...”). How rare it is for us to vocally and publicly praise people, especially those with whom we disagree. What an incredible witness that would be to the world around us, to have them see us disagree with each other without being disagreeable. If our community could see us handle conflict in healthy ways that promote our mission and build up everyone in the body, we would have a lot more people coming to visit, just to see why we act so “peculiar”.

There is much more to be said and learned about dealing with conflict. It is my hope to be able to expand on this topic more in the coming weeks. I know I have only scratched the surface of all this. But I am convinced that these heart matters are a good beginning, and that only if we get our hearts wrapped around these questions will we be able to sail through the inevitable conflicts that come in our life together and be stronger for them. “Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 (NLT)

Bruce